Only A Crush
by Neji-WarmingUpWinter
Summary: "We can't." The strangled sound makes itself known in the quiet air after it passes my throat. It pains me terribly to say this, but I feel I have to. To keep things right.


Disclaimer: Nope.

_Summary: "We can't." The strangled sound makes itself known in the quiet air after it passes my throat. It pains me terribly to say this, but I feel that I has to. To keep things right._

.:::.

**Only A Crush**

_It was only a crush right? Nothing more..._

"Kaito..." The name on his lips is merely a whisper. Unseen, unheard. Undoubtly forbidden. The other's breath, warm and soft, reminds him of just how wrong this is, all of this. The magician was with _her_, and not just for a few months. _Nine_ _years_.

He watched the two of them grow up, as best friends, and had chose purposefully to stay on the sidelines as the two move from the 'best friends' stage to, inevitably, something more. And he had encouraged, if not exactly welcomed, the change. He believed that these feelings he harbored were only an innocent, small, puppy crush. And he hoped that by the other's moving on with her, his feelings would simply, easily, fade away into nothingness, remembered as only a temporary lapse in his logical judgment.

But, again, luck had never been his forte...

_Even if it could be..._

The magician was whispering his name oh so sweetly now, and he can't help himself even though he knows it's wrong and the two of them should never be doing this. Deep down, he wants to feel the smooth and warm touch of the other's lips, taste the sugar and sweetness that usually mingles together with your taste, as they do what's clearly wrong, but feels so _right_ to them.

It pains him so badly, and if she found out, she'll never forgive them, and he well knew this fact. But he's been waiting for so long, _so_ _long_ for this. He's waited for forever on the sidelines, waiting, _waiting_, for this _stupid_ _little_ _crush_ to dissipate. But meanwhile, all that it's cared to do was grow and grow. Stronger and stronger every single day.

Reality, the dream, the truth, the lie, the good and obscene. Guilt against pain. Hatred against love. They're stuck in a constant battle, and neither side wants to give.

Nowadays, all he could think of was him, and he couldn't even keep his mind on a case. He hated her for being with the other, hated himself for these forbidden feelings, the other for being so frickin' _stupid_ _and_ _innocent_ _and_ _idiotic_ and making him fall for the other even more, against his will.

_Would I take the chance?_

"We can't." The strangled sound makes itself known in the quiet air after it passes my throat. It pains me terribly to say this, but I feel that I has to. To keep things right. I'm backed against the wall of your apartment, no lights on, just the moonlight streaming in through the window. You gaze at me, eyes clouded over with an emotion clear to me. Lust. Whether it was from some drug – or was it alcohol? – or not, I do not know. You've never been much from taking them or drinking before. But I suppose I can't really say.

Your hand lightly caresses my cheek in an oddly familiar pattern, and there's a hint of sadness not covered by your Poker Face, and it shows when you speak.

"Why can't we?" Your voice is light, as it had been back when you and she started dating, when you were seventeen, and your hand keeps caressing in the same pattern, softly, gently. "I've seen the looks you give me when you think I'm not looking. I'm not as oblivious as you may think." And your laugh, once so carefree, is weighed down with the pain. Your other hand, placed on the wall, clenches, and I find that I can easily read past the indifferent look to see all the hurt and pain.

"We've known each other just about forever. We've told each other everything. Our alter egos, secrets, fears. Why not? What's wrong with it?" And I become positive that you've been drinking, even though there's no taste or smell of it on you. You always smell the same. You're my best friend, and I'm sure that if you were sober, you wouldn't be saying these things. Once you recover your senses, you'll be regretting it...right?

But, even if I know it's wrong...it feels so _right_.

All my strength and courage it needed to muster up the will to say, "But you have _her_."

Eyes darkening considerably, you glance away. Are you ashamed? When you speak, your voice is lowered in a whisper, as if afraid someone would hear besides me.

"She hasn't been mine for over six years."

I'm taken aback and speechless. You've never said anything about it, not that I've ever asked. We'd gone out for a fun day or two before and you've never said anything about it. We've been through the tough times and still not a word about it. Did the whole break-up not matter? Did_she_ not matter?

"W-why?" I can't stop the stutter, the word feels so out of place. I should just ignore the reason and throw myself at you, but I'm not the detective I am without knowing the reason. I want to know. _I_ _need_ _to_ _know_.

That laugh it back, but it's dark and painful and even more different from your usual one. Putting your head next to mine, you whisper again, this time almost inaudibly.

"She said the time I spent with you was too much, even more my outgoing and playful personality. That I was more into you. Her finding out that I was Kaitou KID broke the last straw, though she never told. Though I have to say, you were the oblivious one. Do you know how long _I_have ignored my feelings? Although I was sure you would never make the first move, you never showed any interest, so I convinced myself those wistful looks you shot at me were nothing but a fragment of my imagination."

You take in a shaky breath, pulling yourself away, and I find myself missing your warmth. But your eyes are so clear, so glassy, so violet while being so blue, and you're hands on caressing my face so gently I don't want to even breath. You continue your calm little rant, whispering words I never thought I'd hear from anyone, least of all from you.

"I convinced myself this crush of mine would go away. So I went out with her to try and forget the crush. But it hasn't faded. And it's most certainly not a crush anymore. It's love. I've waited for so long, watching you watch us from the sidelines, and I don't want to wait anymore. I've had enough."

And, all of a sudden, my lips are captured by yours, and it's so wrong but feels so right at the same time. I feel myself fighting a losing battle.

Your lips are softer than I thought they would be. Later, you would tell me that mine were softer, and I wouldn't believe it. You deepen the kiss, as my arms encircle around your neck and your hands remain steadfast on my flustered cheeks. There's no trace of alcohol at all in your taste, telling me clearly that you still have never drunk before. You've been sober throughout this whole ordeal.

It feels like eternity has passed before I break away, gasping from the lack of air, as we just gaze at each other while I catch my breath. The playful glint in your violet orbs is back, and my hands are lost within your messy brown hair. Your arms trail down to wrap around my slim waist and when you pull me in for another kiss, I realize that it's not wrong at all. It never had been. It's not wrong either _now_.

It's right. The whole thing is right. It's so _right_.

.:::.

_"__Falling in love with someone isn't always going to be easy... Anger... tears... laughter.. It's when you want to be together despite it all. That's when you truly love another. I'm sure of it."_

.:::.

A/N: In case it wasn't obvious enough, the last part was from Shinichi's POV. Shorter than my usual, but it was done it under an hour. Before midnight. Comments? oh, and vote of the poll on my page?


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